The Three Competing Thoughts Concerning Sarah Palin
And on bright, sunny days in Alaska, she takes time to think about the real implications of Climate Change. If it is true, then, the bears, the bears, the bears. Where will they be? So she can shoot them? This depresses her. Not being able to shoot bears and use them as decorations depresses her in ways she never dreamed possible.
I want to clear something up. I don’t hate Sarah Palin. I don’t hate anyone. There are, however, people that I don’t particularly enjoy being around. There are people that, if they call me, I ignore and there are people that exist in the public arena known as “politics” that I believe are just plain and simply a waste of biological material. Hang on. Let me try and tie this into a lesson plan that I’m giving my students. I am having them work on Classification essays and, you know what, let’s classify this whole situation. There are three different types of people when it comes to Sarah Palin. That’s right. I’m classifying. What do you do with your free time? Play video games? Yeah, I do that too. The three types are as followed.
I Think She’s Great! These people actually like her, thinks she is good for the political party she represents and feels that, if she were elected President, it wouldn’t be all that bad. I mean, if a black guy can do it, surely she can. Oops? Was that racist? It just slips out. The people who think this read four books every decade. And the new Sarah Palin book? It will be one of those four books.
I Think She’s Stupid! These people actually don’t like her, thinks she is bad for the political party she represents and feels that, if she were elected President, it would crack the fabric of space/time causing all the evils of the past and the not-yet future to converge upon us and consume our flesh like starved maggot-hornet hybrids. And that is their thinking of the situation if asked to be optimistic. These people also only read four books every decade. But, they read tons of newspapers, blogs and literary magazines to make up the difference. And, yes, Sarah Palin’s new book will be one of those four books.
Who’s Sarah Palin? The people who think that ask, Who’s Sarah Palin, rhetorically. They know who Sarah Palin is. They just don’t particularly care who she is. When they see her on magazines, they stop and look. Cause, you know, she’s hot. But when she says whole sentences, when she tries to explain anything, when she attempts to make a connection, it bounces off like marshmallows bounce off a chest if those marshmallows are thrown by Sarah Palin’s young children. She’s not dangerous. She’s just loud. She’s not good for a political party. She’s just annoying. She’s not a viable candidate for President. She’s a viable candidate for some sort of happy-juice detox program. She’s this yippy, opinionated monster who thinks that talking about guns, oil and eating meat is the basis for a conversation. These people read way too many books in college, read about a book every few months now, watch television to zone out, drink a beer when the time permits and happily fall asleep at night with the understanding that Sarah Palin and all people like Sarah Palin are welcome distractions for a large chuck of Americans who are either unemployed, underpaid or two bad days at work away from putting a bullet into their brain matter.
I fit into the third category. Sarah Palin concerns me as much as That silly show Glee, Amazon Headshrinkers and water under the Luna Surface. Yep. She doesn’t concern me that much at all.
