Five Things That Men Need to Stop Doing
God, you look stupid.
The Half-Tuck: Who invented this? I know who. It was some famous guy who was late for an interview. He tucked his shirt half way in and decided “Screw it” and showed up for the photo-op looking like either a hobo or an indecisive monkey. This embarassing fade hasn’t faded. I saw a guy wearing $100 dollar jeans with a fifty dollar polo-shirt tucked in the front and loose like a mullet in the back. What? Does having your shirt tucked in the front keep your genitals warm? Is that what you’re doing? Warming your genitals?
Being stupid: Try reading a book, guys. It isn’t hard. Or, how about watching the news once in a while. It wouldn’t hurt you to know about your local politics. And how about you, you know, read a newspaper and know what happened last week in the news. Seriously. You guys are stupid. When people ask you what is going on in the world, you say that you were on Facebook the other day and a buddy said something funny. I like Facebook. But it isn’t a credible source of information that you can use to engage with others about social and political happenings on this planet. And talking about Michael Jackson isn’t as important as the riots and protest in Iran and Honduras. Honduras? The country? The congress there kicked out their President. You didn’t know that, did you? You know why? Because you’re a moron.
When you think of Douche bag, think of Mark Sanford.
Cheating: So you ask a girl out. You take her out on countless dates that cost you thousands of dollars. You decide to be in a relationship. You meet all her family and friends, you compromise, you struggle, you be the best man you can and then you cheat on your girl and then you get mad when she finds out and she gets upset. Come on, guys. No one on this planet has had a positive experience by cheating on someone. At best, you look immature and moronic. At worst, you should be buried up to your neck in hot ant-filled sand and then rubbed with peanut butter.
Using “Product”: Do you realize how stupid you look? I mean, do you?
Being a man: Let’s just stop doing it. We’ve been trying to “Be a man” for a while now and it isn’t working. We can’t cry. We can’t wear pink. We have to like meat, pick-up trucks, swords, kung-fu fighting and Guns and Roses. ”Being a Man” is a trick. It is like telling a woman to “Be a woman.” Try telling a woman to do that and see if you come back out of all that with both your arms. ”Being a man” hasn’t worked. I say we just give it up and head to Starbucks and get a Mocha Frap. And I hate Starbucks.
Excellent post, Mr Slacks. Excellent! I agree with every one of them. You committed to paper what I have been thinking for years.
I would like to offer one more for your consideration to make it 6 things; Wearing pants so low the boxers are showing – and mostly every bit of them.
I keep seeing guys walking to school or their job and one hand is constantly maneuvering to get the best grip to keep the pants from falling all the way down which would of course cause them to shuffle.
No matter how smart he might be, it makes him look like he has to be reminded to breathe. Idiots. Why doesn’t he just wear the pants with the fly open, too? Hell, he might as well just take them off for that matter and just be happy with the boxers. At the least he would have both hands free to do a day’s work.
Furthermore, how in the world do women even find that close to being attractive? And if they hook up with a guy like that, what does it say about her?
My theory on how this started in the first place? Inner city kid getting hand-me-down pants from his older brother and of course they are too big for him and when he goes to school his peers think it looks cool. *BaM* a new fashion craze.
Idiots.
Just to prove a point, I’m totally walking into a dive bar tonight and ordering a cosmo, and not on the rocks either, straight-up martini glass and everything. Then I’m going to walk around all night, with my cosmo, talking about beef jerky and peeing off things.
So awesome. And, yes, the baggy pants thing is getting old. But I still have some fond memories of doing that. So I can let that slide.
Hmmm…I agree, even if you are my brother. The system that we have tried to hard to build and protect has turned against us and created weak humans. We follow behind false heros and plastic stars. We want to be like “them”. What happened to being like “you”? Weak humans..simple men…plastic women…killer kids! Salute to our so called “society”!
I still can’t get over the half-tuck. I mean, is your shirt in or out? Make up your mind!