Merry Christmas! Oh, by the way, its also time for the 2008 Jarvis Slacks Awards. It’s the awards where we celebrate all the insanity that we’ve witnessed over the last year. Was it me, or was 2008 the longest year ever? Yes, yes it was. I’m glad you agreed with me. Here are the words for the best, and worst of 2008.
Person That I Wish I Never Knew Existed: Sarah Palin.
As you are no doubt aware, we refuse to post pictures of the Palin-Monster on this site. Instead, here is a picture of the Cloverfield creature. Why don’t we like Sarah Palin? How about her stance on abortion, the environment, gay rights, labor unions and coal. Who likes coal? How about her very Karl Rove attacks on our man Obama over the course of the election? How about her constant need to push out babies? How about how she carried her new born around on stumps like it was a trophy? There are more reasons to hate Sarah Palin than to like her, and this world would be a much better place if the Earth swallowed her up and spit her out into the upper atmosphere.
Buzz word that I thought I was sick of, but that I’m really, really sick of: Green.
Let’s go Green. Let’s recycle more and drive less and eat less and grow our own food and buy only green book bags and, you know, uh, stop driving our cars and take the bus more and buy less and stuff like that. Going green is a really good idea, and we need to do it in order to make sure this world doesn’t turn into a super-heated thermal bakery. The problem with going Green is that people buy less stuff. And when people buy less stuff, the economy takes a little…adjustment. Still, if I hear someone say “Green” one more time, I’m going to make things go red. With blood. Cause I’m gonna kill people.
News-like show that most impressed me: The Rachel Maddow show.
The only thing that could make this better is if Rachel Maddow was an Angry Black lesbian reporter, instead of just a regular Angry lesbian. Its not a stereotype if its true. Rachel Maddow and honestly and successfully given us the news that has helped up understand the politics around us. She is a liberal, yes, but there isn’t any liberal spin. There is just Rachel, attacking anyone that is either stupid, ignorant, or a slight mix of both. Thank you, Rachel Maddow. Thank you for yelling at everyone for us.
Game that cost less than lunch that I enjoyed a whole-whole bunch: Geometry Wars 2
Yes, thank you. Thank you for making a game that is so deep and amazing that I can’t put it down. Geo-Wars 2 is everything that an arcade game should be. It’s easy to pick up, but difficult to master. Add those leaderboards into the mix and you have one of the best games of 2008. More videogames should try and be this impressive.
Game that cost more than the electric bill that I enjoyed more than the game that cost me less than lunch: Dead Space
Was it an action game? Was it a thriller? A horror movie? Can a game be all three? Dead Space makes you believe you are Isaac Clarke, that you are trying to survive on a space ship ripe with monsters. Blasting their arms off is a gimmick. And the bosses are either frustrating or annoying. And it probably isn’t anything you haven’t already done before. But, with graphics that stun and sound that deserves numerous effect rewards, Dead Spaces does the expected with style.
The Movie event of the year that, yeah, wasn’t the movie event of the year at all: Wanted
This movie sucks. And I really don’t wanna waste time writing why it sucks.
The Movie event of the year that, yeah, is probably the movie event of the decade: The Dark Knight
There isn’t a better movie that came out this year. The Dark Knight has a weight to it, a seriousness that all other movies try to obtain but never do. The best thing that an actor can do is get past themselves and become the role. Yeah, yeah, Heath Ledger did an amazing job as the Joker. But has anyone talked about Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne? He hates himself, everything about his life. Bale never tried to do a better job than Ledger, he knew he couldn’t. He tried to do the best job he could with Bruce Wayne. Its nice to know that good, real movies can still be made and make a butt-load of money. The good stuff can be rewarding.
The album that wasn’t horrible and that really surprised me that it wasn’t horrible: Kanye West 808s and Heartbreaks
It wasn’t bad. Wow. That robo-voice stuff could turn to be the worst thing in God’s creation, but there were some real sensitivity in some of Kanye’s tracks. His mother passed away. His girl left him. Pain can make a brother make some real good music. Hopefully the next album will have the same heart and soul.
That’s it. Here is hoping that next year isn’t anywhere near as interesting as this year was.
