The Movies: The Forbidden Kingdom…
Jackie Chan. Jet Li. I’m pretty sure we don’t need much more than that.
Comics: Secret Invasion…
If you don’t read comics, then you have no idea this is going on. But there is a war happening. A Secret Invasion. And, man, is it awesome.
The Secret Invasion is about the shape-shifting Skrulls. Apparently, they have taken over some key members of the super-hero community. The question is, who? Who is a Skrull? We’ll find out, don’t you worry. But right now it is a real guessing game. I’ve bet Mac at Fanboy breakfast that I know more Skrulls than he does. This is some good stuff by Marvel. It is easy, not very complicated, and oh so interesting. When the dust settles, it is going to be really cool to see who is who they are, and who is who we didn’t know they are. Yeah. Didn’t I blow your mind this time…
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The Games: Grand Theft Auto IV…
GTA 4 is coming up very quickly, and the hordes upon hordes of fanboys are clamoring for it. Except me, however. I’m feeling pressured about it, like the one kid in class that doesn’t want to smoke pot, with all these people trying to get me to smoke said pot. So I’m just going to finish this up here, and if you have something to say about it, you can post in the comments. You do know you can post in the comments, right? Good.
I don’t want to play Grand Theft Auto IV. The other games never appealed to me. I played Grand Theft Auto III for a total of two hours. And I never got into it. I’m not a big fan of “Open-World” games. Crackdown was appealing to me because I was gaining superpowers. And Assassin’s Creed was cool because I was jumping over rooftops. But, I mean, besides being a criminal, there is nothing about GTA4 that I want to do. I don’t want to shoot cops. I don’t want to steal stuff. I don’t want to drive cars on regular streets. Every game I play has some fantastic element to it that makes it cool. Yeah, COD4 isn’t fantastic, but I’ll never be a Marine or in the British Special Forces. I could be a criminal just by walking down the street and selling some dope.
Of course, I am getting shit for not wanting to play one of the most anticipated games of all time. So, from now on, I’m going to lie about it. Yes, I’m going to buy Grand Theft Auto IV. Yes, I do agree it is the most awesome game ever. Yeah, killing those people on the streets is awesome. Yep, already have it reserved. Can’t wait. Man, being a Russian convict is totally rad….
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Funny cause its true…
I’m doing this new thing where I laugh at stuff. It’s strange. Here is this You-tube show called Roommating. Enjoy.
Comics: Planet Hulk
The Hulk is the type of character that shines when you remove him from the situation once in awhile. Planet Hulk is a prime example of this. The heroes shoot him into outer space. He lands on a planet and is forced to be a slave, to be a gladiator, to be a warrior and, finally, to be the planet’s king. Sure, we’ve all heard the story before. But we grow to love these characters so much that, when the horrible ends comes, we want the Hulk to have his revenge. This thick, phat baby really impressed me, giving me new respect for the writer, Greg Pak.
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The Movies: The Happening
So, yeah, M. Night Shyamalan pretty much makes me disgusted. It’s not his movies, not really. It is the reaction his movies get from the people who watch them. I mean, I can’t count on my fingers and toes how many twist endings I’ve gotten from students. They believe this to be good writing, and can’t tell the difference between movie making and writing stories. There is a difference, by the way. And if you want to see a writing instructor frustrated, then ask them to explain the difference. It’s like trying to explain sex to a deaf person. You usually have to resort to creative hand motions.
So, here is the trailer to The Happening. A nice abstract title for a movie with an abstract trailer. Will the movie be abstract? Let me guess, we’ll never know what is killing these people. There will be a lot of fear and panic. And, at the end, the main character will come to some amazing realization of himself that could not have happened if the Happening didn’t, you know, happen. I don’t like people using our innate fear of dying as a promoter for ticket sales. And I’m rather dumb-founded that I’m not use to it by now.
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Nightlife: Girls Gone Lame…
Here is one of my older columns. You can see them fresh at www.starnewsonline.com or in the Thursday issue of Currents.
I was hugging the walls of Olive or Twist and all around me were men. Hungry men. Curious men. They had gathered. The call had been sent out. They saw it on the news or they saw the bus or they received a text message. Girls Gone Wild had arrived in Wilmington. Was this a dream? Girls Gone Wild was probably the pinnacle of their adolescent hopes and wonderment, and now they were here! In their town! Some men go their whole lives without ever coming close to achieving a goal like that. And just like most dreams, most of those men in the crowd would leave unsatisfied and disappointed. A bouncer that was at least two hundred and fifty pounds of Planet Fitness-toned muscle stood with his arms crossed on the stair well. This stair well lead to the upper-floor. This upper floor was where all the Girls Gone Wild girls were located. The only way he was letting anyone past him was if you were part of the staff, were from Girls Gone Wild, or if you were a girl wanting to, you know, go up there and go wild. I lightly fantasized about running up to him and giving him an Indiana Jones uppercut and busting into the second floor yelling, “Freedom of the Press!” But I hadn’t hit a guy since grade school. And the guy I hit was two years younger than me.
“Hey, you want to go up there?” a guy next to me asked. I nodded.
“I know that bouncer! Give me a second and I’ll take you with me!”
The guy walked towards the bathroom, and it quickly occurred to me that this dude could be lying. (more…)
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The Reads: World War Z by Max Brooks
Writing a book like World War Z is very, very risky. It could have turned out horrible. The premise, a zombie outbreak, is very rooted in the horror genre, something I’ve always told my students to be afraid of. I’ve never told them they can’t write something. But, I do tell them that something is more literary than others, that some stories will garner more respect. World War Z totally impresses through out the reading, making it a brilliant page turner.
What makes the story good is not the outbreak, which is cool, but how the human race beat the zombies. One of my favorite images from the piece was zombies walking on the bottom of the ocean, undead and searching for something that horrifies and mystifies at the same time. The only problem I have with the book is that there is almost no character development. There is only character profiles, these snapshots of how people lived through it. But it is still great, and Max Brooks is a wonderful writer.
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The Dangerous Easter…
I’m not a very religious person. Not really. I like to think that I’m extremely self-involved, and that my spirit is mine to do with what I want. But I do understand religious people. Religion makes a day go by a little better, can make the hard times go by a bit easier. But, I mean, there is a limit. In the Phillipines, some devout Catholics have been taking the cruxification a bit too far. Apparently, the re-enact the cruxification of Christ, with the whips and the nailing to the cross.Hmm.The Philippine Government are advising people to make sure the whips they use are clean, and that the nails are sanitary. And my biggest concern this Easter is that I don’t eat too much candy.
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Comics: Pride of Baghdad
I love a good graphic novel. And I’d heard great things about Pride of Baghdad. I mean, how could you not want to read it? Lions escape the Baghdad Zoo during the American military assault of Baghdad. It’s just good reading. What I think writer Brian K. Vaughan and artist Niko Henrichon do best in the book is show the different angles of how a lions mind might work, and how families really do work. Being the head of one is tough. But having others doubting you or questioning your movements and you’ve go a very special survival story. Of course, politics litter the page. Is it impossible to tell the story of Baghdad without feeling sorry for any and everyone? I’m not sure. But there is never a moment in the graphic novel where I like humans at all. That is probably one of the points Vaughan was trying to make. And, of course, the ending is something I completely don’t agree with. I’m just tired of watching things die. It gets old. And I’m relatively young. But pick this graphic novel up. It’s well worth the read.
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Jarvis Slacks
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