Jncos and the Natural Progression of Maturity.
Just like facial piercings, jncos were a good idea at the time.
So I was on the bus heading home because I don’t drive for various reasons. Trust me, it is annoying. When most people think, ok, I’m going home, I think, ok, I’m going to sit at the bus stop and wait for the bus so I can catch the train so I can catch another bus….you get the point. Most people who take the bus on the regular quickly learn to “zone out” and pretty much forget that they are on a bus in the first place. Somedays, however, you are reminded. Take, for example, the kid that jumped on the bus today wearing Jncos. Now, we all remember them. And I know, I am damn positive, that some one reading this either use to own a pair or still owns a pair of these jeans. They are horrible. Tight up top and then, like knowledge from the tree of laugh, billions of tons of fabric fall down from the waist to the ground. And, some how, people danced in these things. I will admit it. I owned a pair. I owned a pair because some of my friends owned a pair and girls that I wanted to smoochie-face with owned a pair. Lots of people owned them, just like we use to own American cars and PCs and Tube televisions. We used to own these things and we stopped owning them when we understood they were stupid. So how is a fifteen year old kid still wearing them? Where do you even find these things? Who would sell them to some one? How does that salesman sleep at night?
God, the mistakes we made. The raves, the drugs, the buying of techno-music. Remember drum and bass? Remember how it was supposed to be around forever? That’s my point. It left like most things do. We get older, things change. I wear a collared shirt and get up at five am every morning. I actually pay bills. But the fact that these over-sized aberrations of sewing ninjary still exist, AND REFUSES TO DIE, just goes to show you that, no, some things actually will linger. And we will just linger right along side with it. That all being said, if you are wearing Jncos, stop it. Or we will do things to you. Happy Tuesday.
Our Choice, A Plan to Solve the Climate Crisis: Impressions
And it is a pretty simple choice, too.
It is one of those books that you automatically think that you want to give to all your friends. I bought it on Friday and got through half of it by Saturday afternoon. There are photographs that you stare at for whole minutes, wondering how we do such terrible things to our planet. A picture of a Cattle farm with hundreds of hundreds of cows. A picture of a plane spraying pesticides over a field. A picture of a farmer in Brazil planting crops after clearing a piece of the rain forest. Our Choice is honest about the problems that face our planet. But, more than that, this book is about solutions. It tells us, in plain terms, the ways we can solve the Climate Crisis. It doesn’t tell us the problems. If you don’t know or believe in Climate Change then you aren’t going to be convinced by this book. But it does explain the steps we can take to fix the problems and create an entirely new economy in the process. Carbon Capture. White rooftops. Algae production. Solar panels in space. These are solutions that work and that we can do now. Right now. Like, right now. The problem I have with this book is a problem I have about every rhetorical situation that presents itself: Most arguments preach to the choir. Anyone who doesn’t believe in climate change will not read this book. People who do believe in it will, which defeats the purpose of the book. Climate Change will be a topic open to debate and cynicism until we see millions of people, millions of Americans, die from it. By then, it will be too late. Hopefully, we’ll be smart enough to act before that happens.
V: Impressions
Learn the lesson, people! The prettier the snake, the more deadly.
First, it is important to understand that V isn’t the greatest Sc-Fi show I’ve ever seen. It isn’t even close. That special recognition goes to Battlestar Galactica. However, V has potential. It has real, honest potential to be an amazing Science Fiction series. If you don’t know about it, V stands for the Visitors. Or it could stand for Evil Vaginas. These aliens come to Earth and tell us that they need our stuff. In exchange, they will give us their technology. It is 100% American to exchange Goods for Services. And who doesn’t want to get into a flying car? Or have sex with a pretty blonde Alien who is flirting with us? I mean, it is our duty as Americans to get cool tech in exchange for silly “water” and to have sex with attractive creatures from another planet that we know nothing about. Man. That was a Soapbox, huh? Any way, as it turns out, these Aliens are really ugly Aliens and not the hot variety. They want something from us, we don’t know what. And they can kung-fu fight and have cool things that shoot blades and kill people. But, look past that and you notice what I noticed. The cast for V is amazing. It is like they just got the best Sci-Fi acting talent they could and just popped it right into the show. Two cast members from Firefly? Thank you. That hot girl from Lost which is the only reason I watched Lost? Yes, I’ll take that. One of the Final Five? Put her in there, too. The show can be good, if it survives the four month hiatus that it has looming over it’s head. But for a pilot, it is a start. A really good start. And, hey, not every thing has something to do with President Obama. Geez. A life. Go get one.
Impressions: Borderlands
"Did you have to shot it?" "No. I don't have to shot you either."
Borderlands is the type of video game you don’t want to buy. You do want to buy it. But you don’t want to buy it. You don’t want it because you know that your life will be completely ruined if you get it. I mean, it will be over. I caught myself, more than once, playing until past midnight with the sheer hope of finding a gun that will solve all my problems. Yes! This gun will melt people! But wait! This gun will electrocute people! But wait! This gun will set people on fire! Add the need for better loot, plus the in-born need of every video game player to completely and utterly do everything that a video game has to offer and you’ve got Borderlands: The Skittles in disc form. But is the game fun? Or is it just a nice, easy way to waste a few hours of your life until you find something better to do? Wait, isn’t that the very definition of a video game? Read further, my brothers and sisters.
Netflexing: State of Play
State of Play stars Russell Crowe and that really Hot girl from all those movies she’s in but can’t remember what movies she’s in. What is it about? Eh. Part of it is about Politics and the issues that politicians have with keeping their pants on. Part of it is about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan and the out-sourcing of security to dudes like Blackwater. And part of it is about the downfall of newspapers. But none of these are really committed to each other, and the movie suffers from a complete lack of caring by the actors, the director and the audience. But, I mean, you do get to see a ton of local DC flare. And the result is that you are not missing much if you don’t get to see a ton of DC flare.
News Rodeo! Public Option! We are broke! Fox News sucks!
Are you broke? Yes! How you gonna pay for all this? Credit cards!
Welcome to another News Rodeo! Stop the Bull spit and start the pit! Actually, instead of “spit”, it is supposed to be another word that ends in “i” and “T”. But my Mom sometimes reads this. Hey, Mom! I love you! Let’s get to the news, brother! Are you unemployed? Yes? Well, then you fit into the 10% of the rest of the population. For the rest of us, we have a strange choice: Spend money this holiday season and help jump start the economy? Or save our money, watch the economy crumble because no one buys Christmas presents, and then have 20% unemployment. Ha! I’m sure that won’t happen. Maybe. From NPR:
The Consumer Confidence Index, released by The Conference Board, sank unexpectedly to 47.7 in October — its second-lowest recording since May. Wall Street analysts predicted a reading of 53.1. A reading above 90 means the economy is on solid footing. Above 100 signals strong growth. The index has seesawed since reaching a historic low of 25.3 in February and climbed to 53.4 in September. Shoppers have a grim outlook for the future, The Conference Board said, expecting a worsening business climate, fewer jobs and lower salaries. That’s particularly bad news for retailers who depend on the holiday shopping season for a hefty share of their annual revenue.
Well, I’m the cheapest bastard I know, and I’m buying Christmas Presents. So you shouldn’t worry too much. What? I cursed? Shit! I did it again! Man! Let’s move on. Since no one has any money, it is more important than ever that we get some cheap, quality health care. That way, when the Bread riots start, we can go to the emergency room and not have to worry about how to pay for our stitches. Just kidding! The hospitals will probably be burned down by then. And this Health Reform will have a Public Option! That’s right, old people! Now we can get free-ish health care, too! In your face! In your face! From CNN:
Reid said he was disappointed that congressional Republicans have almost unanimously opposed Democratic-led reform efforts. The number of moderate Senate Republicans can now be counted “on two fingers,” he argued. Reid said he hoped to eventually win over Maine Sen. Olympia Snowe, the lone Republican to back the Finance Committee bill. Snowe has indicated her preference for a “trigger” provision that would mandate creation of a public health insurance option in the future if specific thresholds for expanded coverage and other changes were not met. Snowe issued a statement Monday, saying she was “deeply disappointed” with Reid’s decision on the public option. She argued that a decision in favor of a trigger “could have been the road toward achieving a broader bipartisan consensus in the Senate.”
Nothing says progress like old, rich white men.
Eat it, Republicans! The last time I cared about what Republicans thought, I was hanging out with a friend and we were trying to figure out where to eat lunch. And we didn’t even go to lunch. He got mad because I gave a bum a dollar. He was like, hey, bum, why don’t you work. And the bum was like, I’d stand up and kick your ass but I don’t have legs! I cursed again? Shit! Last but not least: Fox.
Eight years ago, 23-year-old James Gadiel worked for Cantor Fitzgerald on the 103rd floor of the World Trade Center. He died when a hijacked plane crashed into the North Tower. For years, Gadiel’s hometown of Kent, Conn., has wanted to honor the young man with a memorial plaque next to its town hall. But the tribute has hit a snag because James’ father wants to include the phrase, “Murdered by Muslim terrorists,” under his son’s name. For Peter Gadiel, it is a central fact of the Sept. 11 attacks that is often left out. ”It isn’t just overlooked, it’s suppressed,” Gadiel said. “It’s simply wrong to imply that people just died. The buildings didn’t just collapse, they didn’t just fall down — they were attacked by people with a specific identity, a specific purpose.”
Fox. Whew. Man. Hey, Fox. I mean, do you guys wake up and think, how can we be rude and insulting? Or are you just rude and insulting by sheer nature? I wish I had the amount of hate and bile that Fox produces. It would be like a renewable resource. Fox creates hate, we use it to fuel our cars and keep the lights on. Its a win, win. I better go. I feel a curse word coming on. Kisses!
Fox News and President Obama
And, sadly, he makes more money than you'll ever see.
I watch Fox every day. Shush. Don’t tell anyone. But I do. I watch Glenn Beck. I watch Hannity. I watch Bill O’Reilly. I do this because Fox news hates President Obama. But let’s not be one sided. President Obama hates Fox news. Oh, and let’s keep it straight. I hate Fox news too. I mean, seriously. When the end comes, and I let everyone on board my spaceship, Fox news wouldn’t be allowed on. And when the Zombie Rebellion starts, I might shoot Fox news in the face before it turns into a Zombie, just so I won’t have to deal with a Zombie-Fox news walking around. And I know I’m not the only person who does this. Fox news has sickening ratings right now because they are actively engaging with the President of the United States in an argument. And arguments don’t work in a bubble. In order to hear an argument properly and decide who is right, you have to listen to both sides of the argument. So what’s the deal? Is this a plan by the Obama Administration to marginalize the Conservative/Republican team by pointing at Fox news and saying, hey, you, Fox news, you suck. Or is this whole thing just stupid? Or are we missing something? (more…)
Let’s go Jogging with Heather Graham
Insurance companies suck. I mean, how often do you even use it! And when you use it, they don’t want to pay you! That’s why we need stuff to happen. That’s right. We need to make Insurance companies illegal. Until that happens, we need to go jogging with Heather Graham. Why? Cause she’s hot. Duh.
3 Storyline Ideas for the Next Revamped Star Trek
Regardless, chances are high that Kirk gets beaten up some more.
Yeah, I know the Revamped Star Trek just came out over the summer. But the DVD is coming out in a few weeks, and I will use any excuse I can find to write about Kirk’s Mission to boldly go places. Here’s what J. J. Abrams has to say about the future of the Enterprise Crew, as read on Wired:
Abrams said the planned Star Trek sequel will offer more freedom to him and his writers. “Now that we’ve established these characters, it opens up a lot of opportunities for future stories,” Abrams said. “At this point, we’re just starting to discuss the sequel and discussing ideas. We haven’t even started breaking down a story yet. That’s what Star Trek has to be,” Abrams said. “Now that our characters have come together — now that Kirk and Spock are Kirk and Spock — we can tell that adventure story.”
So, what story lines would you like to see? Here are three on my list.
Kahn!: I know that the story is a bit complicated, but it is still great stuff. Even better, if they start the story from scratch and tell how the Enterprise met Kahn and his crew, where they came from, the whole thing, it would be great stuff.
Klingons!: Yes. We need Klingons, and it was a smart decision to keep those guys out of the revamp. A story involving Klingons, dirty, nasty, mean Klingons, would be awesome. This will probably be the obvious choice. Sequels are often dark and cruel, leading up to the third, more hopeful, follow up. I can see Klingons being a major force in this revamp Star Trek movie.
Roots in Reverse! Some love for TNG: Star Trek, The Next Generation has a epic, Mega-epic fan following. Instead of focusing just on the old-school Star Trek, Abrams needs to find a way to unite the great story lines that made the TNG series as amazing as it was. How? Well…I have no idea. Maybe have Riker’s grandfather or, I don’t know, have Data come out of a black hole. That works. Well, usually. Thoughts? Ideas? Toss them here.
Life After the MFA: The Final Exam
"Crap."
This tickles me everytime I read it. I have no idea where it came from, but it’s awesome. Read on:
At Penn State University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an ‘A’ so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.
Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.
The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy…then they turned the page. On the second page was written…
For 95 points: Which Tire? ______________
Have a great week, guys.
Jarvis Slacks
